Oh, what a year…
Oh, what a year this was. 2022 was filled with lots of success, happiness, and growth. I am so grateful for my life and extremely proud of everything I have accomplished. This year was truly the best year I have had in the last 20ish years. I experienced lots of firsts and am able to end the year saying “I can’t believe I did all that.” When I was six years old I started self-harming and this is the first full year of me being self-harm free. I never thought I would be able to say that and what an amazing feeling it is to be able to.
As I reflect on this year all the positive things come to my mind (the house, the vacations, the traveling, the financial stability) but in reality, this year wasn’t easy. It was easier than most years but it was still hard. Buying a home was one of the most stressful things I have ever done. My obsession with buying a home turned into an obsession with never losing the home. My parents bought a condo when I was younger and they were unable to keep up with the payments so they lost it. That was a terrible time for us and it haunts me to this day. Traveling, although amazing, was exhausting and also very stressful. Moving in with my partner was beautiful and something I wanted for a long time but it also happened suddenly and a lot sooner than we expected. It was so hard to balance all these changes, these new responsibilities, new relationship structures, new worries, etc. I even had a panic attack one night because everything was a lot for me to handle. I have never had as much as I have right now and the enormous fear of losing it all consumes me sometimes.
In 2023, I don’t dream of huge life successes. I dream of peace. I hope to heal the traumas that continue to follow me. I’ve been so eager to get to a financially stable life but now that I am here I realize I haven’t truly been able to enjoy it because I’m so scared that this won’t last. I hope that this next year I learn how to take a step back, stop worrying about the potential disasters that can happen, and learn to enjoy this new life. I want my priority for this year to be my health. I think I have neglected my mental and physical health a lot these past 5+ years because I wanted more than anything to own a home and be financially stable. I sacrificed a lot for this and I think it’s time to stop sacrificing and start living. I know it won’t be easy but I know it’s possible.
So 2022, thank you so much for giving me the best year ever. 2023 I hope that you are even better <3
Thank you 2022!
My New Stable Life
My life feels perfect lately! My biggest dream ever finally came true… I own a home. I work at a fancy company that pays for me to travel to places I never even dreamed of going to. I am in a happy & healthy relationship with my partner of 5 years. I live with my sister who is my best friend. My parents are living their best lives together in Mexico and I have the privilege of visiting them twice a year.
The life I have today is a life I never imagined having. The first 23 years of my life were filled with tremendous hardship. I faced family separation, sexual assault, failed relationships, traumatic family deaths, and so much more. For the longest time, I felt like I was in this deep hole that just kept getting deeper and deeper while everyone just watched me struggle from above.
Getting hired at Spotify felt like being thrown a ladder that helped me get out of that hole. A couple of months after I started working, my sister and I moved from a tiny studio into a 2 bedroom apartment. For most of our lives, my sister and I lived in tiny places. We shared rooms with our parents and never had our own space so this felt like a huge step in our lives. Less than a year after that, we purchased a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom townhome in Orange County. This was a dream come true. As someone who moved around a lot and always lived in other people’s homes, I know the value of owning something and it feels liberating to be able to do so.
The financial stability that I have had for the last year and a half has allowed me to grow tremendously. I was severely depressed for most of my life and did not want to live most times but I am so happy I am here today experiencing a much better life. I want to share my life journey with whoever will listen. Life hasn’t been easy but I now know that it was worth it. I hope the lessons I have learned can help others. I know how lonely life felt and I wish someone would have looked at me and said, “I know exactly how you feel because I’ve been there but I promise it does get better.”
